There are some things a gentleman simply will not do.

[ellenkushner]

From The Onion. Rated R for indecent language, so don't say I didn't warn you.

With All Due Respect, I Choose Not To Go Fuck Myself

Sir. Sir. Sir! Now that you have, I dare say, made your opinion on this matter more than abundantly clear, might I finally be afforded the...

Comments

[madam-silvertip.livejournal.com]

I'm gacking! I'm gacking!

[swan-tower.livejournal.com]

I do so love the Onion.

[ellen-kushner.livejournal.com]

Oh, naughty you!

It's right up there with Milady Got Back (http://ellen-kushner.livejournal.com/15285.html), in my opinion.

[miep.livejournal.com]

oh my goodness! that was fan-frickin-tastic.

[ellen-kushner.livejournal.com]

I dare you to read it aloud - or rather, I Challenge you, as it is almost impossible to do without snorting something out your nose assuming you are so successful as to suppress the pressure of loud guffaws.

I owe you a letter, I know - and that goes for many people! I'm sorry. I'll try to reply soon, as I was delighted to receive yours.

[miep.livejournal.com]

I will have to wait until my sweetie is not in the same room, so that I have a fighting chance, because if she is listening and giggling, I'm sunk.

I look forward to your reply, at your convenience. *surpressed fangirl giggle*

[madam-silvertip.livejournal.com]

Heh. Be afraid. Be very afraid...

It really went down well today.

[lisa-marli.livejournal.com]

Glad I wasn't drinking at the time.
But I think I'll have one now.

[yaoi-in-exile.livejournal.com]

Found this yesterday!! :D

It is SO great. I'm going to print this out in dozens of copies and hand it out to obnoxious people. >3 Muha.

[peregrinejohn.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is beautiful. Took me several minutes to pull myself together after reading it.

I think I'll be adding it to my list of monologues to memorize. Heh, heh, heh...

[belledewinter.livejournal.com]

That's just ACE. XDD

[ellen-kushner.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you should consider doing what peregrinejohn here is proposing, and memorize it and do it as a party piece.

[ellen-kushner.livejournal.com]

Please make sure I am at the party where you choose to recite it.

[yaoi-in-exile.livejournal.com]

That is a *good* idea! :D *logs in mind*

...But sadly, I don't get out much, and the parties I do attend are full of DDR and QaF and laughing and constant jokes...not that it's a bad thing at all. >3 But if one isn't crowing a hilarious remark (followed by another, then another, then another) it's hard to get a word in.

*les sigh* So *difficult* to be a drama queen nowadays... XD

[safirasilv.livejournal.com]

"whatever "it" might be, as you have left that crucial pronoun tragically without antecedent"


I think I am in love.

[stephenhsegal.livejournal.com]

Is it possible that you've never seen THIS?

[peregrinejohn.livejournal.com]

Heh. You betcha!

[ellen-kushner.livejournal.com]

Crap - I can't get it to open, I lack the necessary equipment....

[ellen-kushner.livejournal.com]

OK, educate me in the ways of your (young) people: What are DDR and QaF?

[yaoi-in-exile.livejournal.com]

:O You don't know? DDR is...well, I suppose it might be unheard-of to those outside of teen!geek culture...it's an interactive video game, Dance Dance Revolution, where you step around on a pad (pretty darn quickly) to arrows running across the screen while techno dance music plays. It's an amazing workout, and those who practice enough at it to get really good are much-lauded and revered among their peers. :3 It's a must at pretty much any party I would frequent, which are all full of teenaged gamer geeks anyways.

QaF? That's Queer as Folk (or, as my circle creatively pronounces it, "kwoff"). My mini-me tricked me into an impromptu sleepover/surprise birthday party last year (tho' it won't work again this time, and she knows it! >3) with a billion of her middle-school friends. She rented various shows for us all to watch, and that was the night we became hopelessly obsessed with QaF. (3 I'd go into more details about the strawberries/whipped cream, loud dance music (complete with glow sticks) and midnight romps through her street's rain puddles, but I'm attempting to not be so long-winded. (3

But my initial point was...there shall be no opportunities for speech-making at these affairs. XD! *has effectively talked self into a circle*