Depradations of the Internet, or,

oh my god, Gary Shteyngart was right about everything!

Alex: Hi, I'm Alex, your continental.com virtual expert. Type in a short question, keyword or phrase below, and I can help you find the information on our Web site.
You Asked: I just typed the question in the site's box before I got this popup. Please tell your tech folks that it didn't go through andn now I have to type it again.
Alex: I love technology. Without it, I'd be like a fish without water.
You Asked: Are you an actual person?
Alex: I'm a Virtual Expert for Continental. I'm here to help you find your way around continental.com.
Here's More:
Alex Demo
You Asked: OK, never mind the pleasantries, then.
Alex: Are there any other questions I can help you with?
You Asked: Where can I find FARE LOCK?
Alex: FareLock allows you to hold your reservation and fare for 72 hours or seven days, for a fee, and is available on Continental-operated flights only. If offered, you can purchase FareLock after you have selected your flights. View Page

. . . and then, there's L.L. Bean!

Ellen Kushner:  I want to buy another of your Vintage Flannel Nightgowns - top rated:
http://reviews.llbean.com/1138/IG70693/vintage-flannel-nightgown-reviews/reviews.htm
but currently unavailable!  Are they coming back?

Cheryl:  Hello Ms. Kushner, I am happy to assist you.  I checked and unfortunately these will not be available again until next fall. I am sorry for any inconvenience.

Ellen Kushner: Next fall is fine - as long as they're not going away forever! Is there somewhere to put in a requset that they bring back green or blue print, too?

Cheryl: I am happy to request that for you. We usually do bring the green back, but I will let the product specialist know you would like to see the blue as well.   I buy these every year! I have do so for at least 5 years. They should return early next fall.

Ellen Kushner: Hurrah! Thank you very much.

Cheryl: Very good! We appreciate your interest. Thanks for contacting L.L.Bean, Ms. Kushner. I hope you have a good evening!

And that, my friends, is how it's done.  [Edited for length]