Depradations of the Internet, or,

[ellenkushner]

oh my god, Gary Shteyngart was right about everything!

Alex: Hi, I'm Alex, your continental.com virtual expert. Type in a short question, keyword or phrase below, and I can help you find the information on our Web site.
You Asked: I just typed the question in the site's box before I got this popup. Please tell your tech folks that it didn't go through andn now I have to type it again.
Alex: I love technology. Without it, I'd be like a fish without water.
You Asked: Are you an actual person?
Alex: I'm a Virtual Expert for Continental. I'm here to help you find your way around continental.com.
Here's More:
Alex Demo
You Asked: OK, never mind the pleasantries, then.
Alex: Are there any other questions I can help you with?
You Asked: Where can I find FARE LOCK?
Alex: FareLock allows you to hold your reservation and fare for 72 hours or seven days, for a fee, and is available on Continental-operated flights only. If offered, you can purchase FareLock after you have selected your flights. View Page

Comments

[heartofoshun.livejournal.com]

That is a lot more coherent than most of the exchanges I have with real people!

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

I was going to say, it reminds me of a recent blog post by someone I know about similarly incoherent conversations held in real life or over the internet with actual people - and from the comments to that post, it was a common phenomenon...

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

Blog post in question (http://lettersfromtitan.com/2011/02/03/todays-trivial-observation/).

[elswhere1.livejournal.com]

lol at how they have an automated almost-human-sounding automated response for anything that mentions tech.

Though the fish without water analogy isn't quite right, since without technology Alex wouldn't even *exist* not just lie all floppy and dying on the shore. But I guess it's pointless to argue semantics with a bunch of code.

[ellen-kushner.livejournal.com]

But I'd sure like to see you try!

[movingfinger.livejournal.com]

Does typing AGENT in all caps get you a human?

[emilytheslayer.livejournal.com]

Or cussing, which is another thing that tends to work on phone systems.

[movingfinger.livejournal.com]

Actually it's not the cussing, it's the way you say it. Many airlines' AI systems have software for recognizing tone of voice and will cut in with a human when you become audibly exasperated. The phone companies can't do this, because all their customers are exasperated.

[emilytheslayer.livejournal.com]

That's interesting. A few years ago a friend of mine was on hold with the power company in a small town in Illinois, and her teenager managed to get through a to a person fastest by cussing. Very calmly and methodically, but cussing.

[ellen-kushner.livejournal.com]

I'm learning so very much from you two!

[movingfinger.livejournal.com]

There's a website where information on how to get to a human is collected: it is at, very reasonably, http://gethuman.com/

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

Wish I'd had that on hand when I was trying to ring up what turned out to be a computerized voice-recognition system that couldn't quite handle my accent.

[movingfinger.livejournal.com]

That's unfortunate, if true; it rewards bad behavior rather than just intervening with the frustrated.

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

Headdesk. It would be an airline, too.