"Always Go to the Funeral"

[ellenkushner]

My dad sent me the link to this "This I Believe" essay, I like it enough to pass it on to you.

"Always go to the funeral" means that I have to do the right thing when I really, really don't feel like it. I have to remind myself of it when I could make some small gesture, but I don't really have to and I definitely don't want to. I'm talking about those things that represent only inconvenience to me, but the world to the other guy . . . .

Comments

[coppervale.livejournal.com]

Awesome. Thank you, Ellen.

I understand the idea very well - just two weeks ago I attended the funeral of someone I've been friends with since I was three. When we were six, she was shot through the head in an archery accident, and was permanently brain damaged, and never was back to who she was (functionally, she was two or so all her life after that). I was the only one there other than her family who remembered how she was before the accident. That took a lot more out of me than I thought it would. But I know her family was glad I was there.

[tithenai.livejournal.com]

That's beautiful. So very, very true. Thank you for sharing it.

(This is Amal, by the way -- I had the pleasure of having tea and pear tart with you at the World Fantasy Convention year before last. I just discovered you on LJ and figured I'd say hi!)

I completely and totally agree with you...

[bjohnson.livejournal.com]

... and your dad and whoever wrote the This I Believe essay. Very true.

Corollaries:

Always go to Farewell Parties.
Always write thank you notes.
Always send notes of congratulations for most any event.

[kayselkiemoon.livejournal.com]

I liked that. thanks for passing it along. :)

[amy34.livejournal.com]

That is a beautiful essay. She is so right when she says the real battle isn't between doing good and doing evil, it's between doing good and doing nothing.

[justinhowe.livejournal.com]

Thanks for that. Granted I fail on all accounts, but thanks. They say it's never too late to be a better person.

[chrischewscud.livejournal.com]

Thank you for posting the link. It's a good reminder.

[gerriwritinglog.livejournal.com]

I remember being stunned when 40 or so people showed up at my dad's funeral. But they weren't there for him. They were there for us, the family and friends. They didn't know my dad, but they knew that we needed their love and support. It made a difference. That's what we needed.

[krismcd59.livejournal.com]

So glad you posted this. When my mom died last summer and literally hundreds of people came to her funeral -- and when I read the dozens and dozens of notes sent to us in the days afterward -- I finally realized what these things are for. They really do help. I'll never not go or send a note again after that. The other nice thing is that I and my extremely un-demonstrative brother, sisters, and Dad now never end a phone call without saying "I love you," which was so NOT a habit of ours before Mama's sudden passing. I think most of us have to reach a certain age to discover that the opposite of good is not evil, but apathy. Thanks again.

[eackerman.livejournal.com]

Here in the South we still pull over for funeral processions. Or at least we do if your mama raised you right.

I always remember Lewis Grizzard's column where he talks about his mother pulling the car over to let pass the funeral procession of a man who was known as a bootlegger and a ne'er-do-well. Lewis asked her why she did that, and she said, "Because he would have done it for me."

[llennhoff.livejournal.com]

In Jewish thought attending a funeral is called "chessed shel emet" - true righteousness/kindness = because it is the one favor you know is never going to be personally reciprocated.

When my sister died untimely young, the switchboard at the school where my mother taught was deluged with phone calls from substitute and retired teachers, all volunteering to work at the school so my mother's fellow teachers could attend the funeral. I'm tearing up right now thinking of how sophisticated their generosity was.

[roozle.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing that.